Tuesday 24 March 2009

Yes, yes, yes!

I'd like about two dozen of these, please. Reprinted to help protect it for posterity.

COSTUME POLICE: GARB VIOLATION

Giles Hill of Sweetwater

(non habeo speculum?)
(Don't you have a mirror?)

* 1. Wearing fibers not found in nature

1.1 Spandex
1.2 Polyester
1.3 Acetate
1.4 Naugahyde


* 2. Wearing colors not found in nature

2.1 Neon shades
2.2 Electric shades
2.3 "Drafn pants"


* 3. Not wearing enough clothing for body type

3.1 hose that show leg hair
3.2 Anything that outlines fat rolls
3.3 Bunny-fur bikinis


* 4. Wearing clothing from too many periods in one outfit

4.1 Sneakers
4.2 Combat boots
4.3 blue denim jeans


* 5. Recreating the Middle Ages of another planet

5.1 Gor
5.2 Vulcan
5.3 Pern


* 6. Not wearing enough support garments

* 7. Wearing military toys as clothing

7.1 chain mail bikinis
7.2 chain mail codpieces
7.3 chain mail jewelry
7.4 wearing more than five blades simultaneously
(Dark Horde excepted)


* 8. Physical alterations

8.1 fangs
8.2 contact lenses
8.2.a snake eyes
8.2.b mirrors
8.3 Hair of shades not found in nature
8.4 Pointed ear prosthesis
8.5 Visible tattoos of an obviously modern theme
8.6 Award medallions in body piercings

YOU MUST LEAVE AND CHANGE YOUR CLOTHING IMMEDIATELY. PLEASE CONSULT A FASHION ADVISOR. IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD A FASHION ADVISOR ONE WILL BE PROVIDED FOR YOU. ANYTHING YOU WEAR CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF FASHION TO DETERMINE YOUR MORALS, TASTE, AND PERSONAL WORTH.

3 comments:

  1. Okay, time for enlightenment. What exactly is permissible at a Ren Faire? I suppose it depends on which particular one we're talking about, but I've seen photos of these things and people are wandering around in everything from full Spanish Infanta gear to jeans and hoodies.

    Personally I feel that if you're going to dress up, you should do it right. But I wouldn't object to seeing fantasaical stuff like faeriewear as long as it shows an understanding of how period clothes should be constructed.

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  2. Ren Faires are generally supposed to have two groups: employed vendors/entertainers/staff in full and accurate costume, and the general public in no costume. 'Fantasy' is not usually supposed to be present.
    The SouCal 'Renaissance Pleasure Faire' has a page of instructions on costuming and specifies 1560-1588. The Louisiana Renaissance Festival runs classes for 'cast'. Every site I've found has advertised rental costumes.

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  3. Ahh, but I'm talking about the general public, not the vendors. As an itinerant gawker, you can clearly get away with anything. But I think you should either go in plain clothes and not look like an idiot, or dress either as someone of a certain period (with accurate clothes, no matter which era you pick) or as someone of a certain period who is wearing accurate clothes plus a nifty mask, faerie wings, whatever.

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