Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Crushed velvet crap

Welcome to Renaissance Fugstumes.  At first glance you'd think it's just cheap Halloween stuff and should be left alone, and indeed, I've seen some of these same offerings at SuperDiscountCostumeMegastore.  What makes this fair game, though, is that they're advertising for the reenactment crowd.  If you're talking about faires and weddings, you should offer us more than this:

Knee breeches?  In this era, people, they were wearing tights.  A high collared doublet like this would have a seam at the waist and flare below it... but oh, wait.  There would never be a doublet like this, because this is crushed velvet and shiny!  All in all, the ponciest Romeo I have ever seen!

Speaking of poncy, take a look at Robin Hood.  They were too lazy to do their research.  The Robin Hood legend has it's roots as early as 1283, and back then people did not wear doublets.  Especially crappy faux-leather doublets.  Think tunics and cowls, people!

And they've got the usual knight costumes with fake glitter chainmail.  There's not even a separate undertunic; the sleeves are sewn right to the shoulders of what ought to be a tabard, and should not be made of — you guessed it — crushed velvet.  At a real Ren Faire, people, you cannot get away with fake chainmail.  

There's more fug for the ladies.  Cheap-ass Elizabethan, anyone?  Those little puffed sleeves are wrong, wrong, wrong, and so is the straight seam around the waist.  It should come to a point.  And don't you love those random arm 'lacings' that don't lace anything?  Ahh, and the crushed velvet.  It's everywhere you look.  Even the peasants wear crushed velvet.  And the tavern wenches, with their horrible wraparound skirts.  Have these people never heard of sumptuary laws?

Once again we're mixing periods.  A 'Medieval' dress with a split-fronted skirt?  A 'Renaissance' dress with a sweetheart neckline and curving bodice seams (modern inventions, people!)?  Long open sleeves that hang from the shoulder are never, never tulle.  This place can guarantee us a mistake in every dress.

1 comment:

  1. Why does she make me think of John the Baptist...?