Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Aliens from Planet Zort! has an identity crisis. Is it going for accuracy (it offers Sofi's Stitches) or for the JUST PLAIN CRAZY?

Wow, I didn't know Medieval monarchs and their queens were into skinning Dalmatians.  I've never seen a big, fur-trimmed front panel like what this guy's wearing, either.  And exactly what is their daughter wearing on her head?  This definitely counts as 'recreating the Middle Ages of another planet.'  I sort of like their King Arthur — he's got a stylized look that might work well in some postmodern play — but Guinevere has just stepped off the set of Star Trek:

She must come from the same planet as Princess Kriemhild.  And maybe they're chummy with Eragon.

In addition to Alien Couture, the site offers a lot of wenchwear (ranging from well made to incredibly ill-fitting) and its male counterpart, the doublet with caps over the shoulders and no sleeves.  I've dubbed this 'rougeswear' and I usually give it a pass because it's become such an SCA institution, but for 219 Euros I'd like something better than this.  Oh joy, faux leather and crushed velvet!  Of course there's also the inevitable gypsy with her ludicrous cropped bodice.  And no site would be complete without jesters.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good jester costume.  I saw a gorgeous one in Rigoletto, with Renaissance tailoring and a great colour scheme.  But this thing just looks awful.

And you know something?  This really pisses me off.  Thanks to Braveheart, everybody thinks woad is bright blue acrylic paint.  In reality it was deep navy and was painted not in blocks of colour, but in intricate patterns.  As for the costume, that 'armour' is as badly fitting as any I've seen... and what's that around his ankles?  Little plaid ruffles?  For 129, you could do much better than this.

On to Renaissance, and we've got more wenchwear, this time with jarring skirt ruffles.  They mix Medieval dagged sleeves with Baroque knee breeches.  And what's this?  The Renaissance ends around 1600.  Big crazy wigs show up in the 1770's.  This belongs on their Rococo page, along with Cubist Katherine the Great and Lamé Marie Antoinette.

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