Thursday, 30 April 2009

Mmf, giggle, BWA HA HA!

The very first page of had me in giggles.  There's just something doofy as hell about a German dude giving me an ogre face so stereotypically D&D that even he looks like he'll break up laughing.

The clothing had me chortling even harder.  They advertise garb for Mittelalter (Middle Ages), Fantasy & Rollenspiel (Roleplaying), but they'd be on safer ground if they catered solely to LARPers.  

Remember what I said about lacing front panels not being period?  Well, they make this mistake repeatedly.  And here they've added great big, floofy, double-layered sleeves that aren't period either.  They look more like Rococo cuffs on steroids than like anything Medieval.

After all the schlock I've seen, I'm almost ready to give them a gold star and a cookie for a front panel that doesn't contrast.  But the trim here is in places where Medieval ladies never would have stuck it.  Couldn't they have used it around the neckline and hems instead of making strange vertical stripes?

The further down the ladies' page you scroll, the worse things get.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: Burgundian gowns did not have splits in the front of the skirt.  Nor did the hems rise up this far in front to show the underdress.  (In fact, in all but one example that I know of, the skirts were far too long to show the gown beneath them at all... and the one exception is drawn so ambiguously that it's hard to tell how the dress was really constructed.)

They've also got some of the butt-fugliest surcoats I've ever seen...

In fact, I'm not sure this is a sideless surcoat at all.  Seems like the torso piece is all one layer, faking the look of an overdress and kirtle... which looks even stupider than faking an underskirt with a contrasting front panel.  The sleeves are tied on instead of being continuous with the kirtle (wrong!), and I've never seen hanging sleeves of any kind worn with a sideless surcoat.

Oh, mein Gott im Himmel!  I thought I'd be giving the Worst Surcoat Evar award to ol' Hildwalda, but I think this thing trumps her.  Surcoats never had contrasting skirt panels. And what's with the big ol' bodice placket that reaches to her groin?  For that matter, what's with the white fabric to either side?  The whole deal with sideless surcoats is that they were sideless.  This thing looks like it either laces up the sides or has the sleeves stuck on to form a one-piece dress.  Either way, it's ill-fitted and icky.

Yes, there are some serious blunders... like this thing, with princess seams and lacings that go all the way down to the hem!  The skirts aren't any better than the complete outfits, either.  Ooh look, strange blocks of colour!  Dagged hems!  Bias-cut frills!  There's a whole page of wench-wear and short chemises with bat sleeves.  And they also carry many, many things I've fugged before.  The horrors of Eschoppe Medievale all crop up here. 

I've come to expect no accuracy of places with a goth section.  But surprisingly, is not a total loss.  The clothes may suck by historical standards, but the shoes range from LARPish to surprisingly accurate.  I fear I may have to give the whole site a well played just for the pattens.

1 comment:

  1. I just went and read the descriptions and nowhere do they claim authenticity. They very clearly state that the garments are inspired by the time periods mentioned, so that makes them an artists rendition. Would I wear these to Pennsic or Gulf War? Well, no. But at a Renfaire this stuff would rock WAY more than some of the things people wear. Nice seam checking there.