Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Hollywood: So Bad it Can't be Ignored

It doesn't claim to be historical, as far as I know - I had a bit of difficulty looking that up. But I'm going to give a nod to Sword of the Valiant anyway for sheer jawdropping badness.

Walter Chaw has a review of the movie, worth reading if you aren't familiar with this example of cinematic art. "Squire Gawain is the only man brave enough in King Arthur's moribund Camelot to accept the challenge of mysterious drag queen the Green Knight... A classic call to action is then promptly perverted in Sword of the Valiant into a sword-and-sorcery cheese factory that reminds of nothing more than Clash of the Titans without Ray Harryhausen. Because Gawain is such a strapping young moron, the Green Knight gives him one year to try to decipher a ridiculous riddle to save his life; thus Gawain sets out with his faithful squire; promptly tries to kill a unicorn for food ("It's magic! So it must taste good!"); falls in love with a leading lady who almost makes O'Keefe appear sentient; banters wittily with a bawdy friar; and strong arms a dwarf sage. The sword-fighting choreography resembles stuff my little sister and I worked out with cardboard tubes on Christmas morning, while the special effects are a notch above scratching the negative and pretending."

But enough about the acting and film quality. On to the costumes:

Enough said.


  1. What the hell is Sean Connery doing in this thing!?